i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
