how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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