Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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