also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
