i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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