so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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