Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
