she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
