Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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