dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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