i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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