you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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