I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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