His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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