oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I see more hoeing in ur future
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