I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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