direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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