I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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