Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
