I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
