Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I checked into jail on foursquare
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
