the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize