took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
