let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
