I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
