I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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