where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
