Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
