I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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