Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
