I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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