i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to make out with him forever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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