hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
