I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
