Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize