Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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