I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
