paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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