and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
