my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
