grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
