Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
