i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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