I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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