I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
