Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
