used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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