Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
