I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
