My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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