moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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