we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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