I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
