Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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