Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize