Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
