No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
