i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
