Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
