He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
