So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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