It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
