Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
