Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and she was petting her beer can
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
